Hmmm. A tough assignment. “Review the first volume of Hello Kitty’s Paradise, a DVD containing eight short episodes of Hello Kittiness interspersed with educational quizzes.” Casting a hasty eye over the cover, I discovered that I might learn something about manners, sharing, and various other social niceties. I shuddered. Mark must really have it in for me. How was I going to survive this one? I knew I’d need help if I was to make it through alive, so I put on my hat and went looking for an expert.
So, there we were: Alison (me), Miss Madelaine (The Expert), Ange (The Expert’s Mother), Geordie (A Dog), and Jessica (A Rabbit). I knew I couldn’t adequately appraise the likes of Hello Kitty’s Paradise, but I hoped to be able to cheat off my Expert. And this less than cunning technique worked: my Expert scrutinised the offering very carefully, and made a considered judgement, which I’m pleased to sum up here.
In short, Hello Kitty’s Paradise passes the Five-year-old Attention Span test, the Shushing The Mother test, and the Guessing The Answers To The Between-Episode Quiz test. I don’t recommend that anyone with an age in double digits insert this disc, unless you’ve had special training, but it seems perfectly safe for tinies. Although it did propagate the age-old myth that old women living alone in the forest want to eat small children, I don’t think we should be too harsh. After all, who hasn’t had the urge to eat small children from time to time?