Review: Wesley’s Mysterious File (2002)

Directed by:
Cast: , , , , ,

Not available in Australia on DVD (to our knowledge)

A more appropriate title for this would be “Aliens Ate My Scriptwriter”. Honestly, I’d hoped for more from this: after all, the poster showed Andy in tight black clothing, accompanied by Hsu Chi and Rosamund Kwan. But alas, I was to be sadly disappointed. The science was of such a level of 1950s sophistication as to make the fluffy pseudo-science of For Bad Boys Only look as respectable as particle physics. I kept expecting one of the characters to say something like “Gee whiz, Doc, what’s that gizmo?”

Despite the complete lack of any scientific credibility whatsoever, whoever is responsible for writing this dross felt safe in throwing in a large toothy alien and some glossy CGI, for no good reason that I could see. Perhaps somebody’s brother worked in a CGI firm, and they got it for half price. Who knows. And indeed who cares. It was hard to summon up any enthusiasm for this film, although we did feel the pricklings of curiosity about the two gwailos who were shown occasionally standing at their keyboards and typing furiously. Maybe their chairs had been sold to pay for the CGI.

The cast struggled to make some sense of their roles, as we struggled to make sense of the whole film. If a bloke in a raincoat had shuffled on and asked for Godot, I would have felt a lot better, but I was denied this simple solace. Andy and his cheekbones, Hsu Chi and her lips, Roy Cheung and his chest, and Rosamund and her utter beauty couldn’t seem to find a way to deal with it. Mark Cheng and Almen Wong had less to contend with, in their simple stereotypical bad aliens roles, but then they are both capable of so much more. Wong Jing gave his usual irritating and pointless cameo, while everyone else seemed to have been roped in from off the street. And, of course, there was a compulsory “amusing alien love scene”, which was only bearable for me because I was trying to catch a glimpse of Andy under the sheets.

Overall, a surprisingly crappy piece of work. All the recognisable actors are capable of more, and even King Jing is capable of more: think of Naked Killer (which he’s remaking, which is ominous), or Tricky Brains, or even Sex and Zen. The only mysterious thing about it is that it ever got made in the first place.

3 Tight Black Outfits out of 10.
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